There is always that woman that makes a man lack words and act all stupid. He says all the wrong things and tenses to a point where if he tries to say hi, you’d think he is having an asthma attack. This is because while the brain sends the command Hi to the mouth, the mouth just stammers the H and then hangs like a retarded computer. And thus, all that comes out is a prolonged heave like you are trying to fan the face of the poor lady.
I had such a moment once. But whenever I meet her, I dearly hope she forgot the moment. This was back when I was taking coaching classes just to meet students in other schools.
There was this absolutely gorgeous lady in our class who I had sworn I’d talk to when the opportunity knocked at the door. The other ladies in our class were not that interesting to look at. I wouldn’t call them ugly but chances are high that if any of them sat next to a baboon, you’d think they were twins. Anyway, one day while leaving class, I found myself just a few paces behind miss beautiful and I knew this was the moment God had destined for me.
I walked up to her and stammered my “Hhiiii”. I was sure she’d just ignore me so I had no contigency plan when she turned with a smile and said hi. So there I was shaking her hand, trying to rearrange my thoughts and ask her a question to salvage the situation that was slowly turning from amazement to awkward. I knew I had to start somewhere but the thoughts in my head were too many. I decided to go with the easiest, Ask for her name.
You’d think with all the English I have learnt since I was in nursery, I would construct a proper sentence to ask for her name. And I actually did. In my head, the question formed was “What’s your name” but by the time it got to the mouth,. what came out had my inner voice screaming Shiiiiit! Sweat started coming from all pores (who even told it to come)
What came out you ask? Well, I am not even sure but it sounded like … “Whatiti yo name?”
I wanted to just vanish in thin air. And I am not saying what happened after that. All I can say is, the world doesn’t love me enough because it did not open up and swallow me despite all my prayers at that time!
So yes, Annet in case you read this, asking your name was one of the things that topped it to my Hall Of Shame.