Of Men and Toilet Seats

Joseph has been busy running around all day and hasn’t been subjected to a chance to empty his swollen bladderso he’s about to erupt like a volcano.
On reaching home, he makes a beeline to the toilet and barely manages to undo his trousers zip whilst stomping his feet like he’s been treading barefoot on hot coal.
He then positions himself to take aim into the toilet bowl below. His mind convinces him that his aim is no match for Robin Hood. To his suprise, the thrust is way higher than what he imagined, he misses……..but the toilet seat gets it.
He then returns his arsenal and walks back to catch the NTV news.

This is a common phenomenon that always battled Diana, the wife and all women for centuries.

It’s not the fact that men miss but that they choose not to lift the toilet seat up.

I have basically four types of men who use the toilet……

1. The Lazy Excudator
This constitutes 85% of Ugandan men, these when ready to piss, they do it anywhere in public.
Most of these are drunkards who seek solace in bushes or behind cars.
The toilet seat, in their eyes, is just a big stone that requires ropes and pulleys to lift. Everytime he visits the toilet you are sure to find yellow dots.
And if you expect him to clean up, “naah they’ll dry themselves up”.

2. The imperious man
This one has a big ego, so big that it can’t permit him to bend over and touch the toilet seat, let alone lift it.
He has more important things to worry about. He thinks it’s someone else’s job to clean his mess up.
He will quickly explain how he accurately aimed but he won’t apologize for the yellow dots.

3. The Brash Boyfriend
This one has just entered a relationship and is yet to be engaged. He seems to quickly forget that there is another person living with him or who comes to visit him frequently. He’s still stuck to his bachelor ways and is not ready to adapt anytime soon.
Everytime she says “lift before you pee, honey” his brain comprehends “wipe before you shit”.

4. The Cavalier
And this is definately the ladies man. No matter how pressed he is, he always manages to lift the toilet seat up and remembers to put it back down for his lady.
Women will always talk about how he is a considerate, humble and diligent one.
He always aims and hits the target just like those bushmen in the kalahari desert.

But anyway it isn’t about the logic, or statistics or minimizing global effect or anything other than etiquette and doing what’s right because women prefer it that way.


About silwaxxy2013

Civil Engineer in the making, moved like a kite in the wind
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